Brad-K wrote:Really wish the "slayer of mice" were here right now...got a mouse in my room as I write. Got traps out and such, but really wish I could have someone like Levi deal with it. ...Sure hope he's alright.
My jar of mice is gone. It would be nice if someone could get me a new one to fill....
I sent it via PM to you but I'll put it here again for everyone else:
Thanks man. It's been brutal. Like.... the past 3-4 months are the worst stretch I've had in probably all my life.
The immigration forms needing to be resubmitted because of the mistake. The centrelink debt. Mum's death. Dog's death. Wife's friends death and social ostracism. Dad's stroke. Friend's unborn child dying too. It's just been merciless. But.... I've really pulled through. I'm surprisingly, more stable than I have been since I was a child. I don't think I've been this stable since I was about 8 or so years old.
I haven't had any problems with bipolar at all in a long time. Depression still happens but I'm on top of it, instead of it riding me. The anxiety is the only bad one. And that's because of my living environment and the stress of not knowing what's going on with immigration forms.
The past 3 months or so the black metal band I've been in "Oblitus" has just really helped me purge out all my anger and grief at what's been going on around me. Funnily enough, now that this storm seems to have subsided somewhat, I've found out the guitarist has been sh!t-talking me behind my back as well as is trying to screw over the drummer at the same time. I made the decision last night to leave the band and I'm totally ok with it. The band did more for me throughout those harsh brutal months than I ever thought it would. And although the band is now it's own source of anxiety while I'm still in it, there are good memories and I'm really proud of the music we came up with together.
I wouldn't be surprised if God knew what was going to happen this year and just guided me into this band just to be that extra counter weight throughout the last half a year. It's done what it was supposed to. And hey, even got some sweet recordings out of it all.
I'm sad. I won't lie. I'm really, really sad. It's been a hard year and a lot of really bad things have happened. I'm lonely. I miss my wife like you wouldn't believe and the social scene around my city is like a cancer. But the fact that I can feel these emotions without them spiraling out of control and turning into an unhealthy state has actually been somewhat of a miracle. If anything this year has actually brought me a heart of compassion. I've always had empathy. I've regularly had sympathy. But for the first time I'm feeling truly compassionate towards people, their plights, their problems, their good times and their bad.
I'll make it through all of this. Because I have to. And honestly, considering the growth I've gone through as a human recently it would be a complete waste not to.
Thank you for your concern Brad. I really appreciate it. The support I've found from you guys on this forum has always been astounding. And I love everyone of you guys for it.
I feel like the sun is setting on this bleak story. As if all that horrible, pervasive darkness is about to be lost in the twilight prior to the sunset before finally being dragged below the horizon. I'm now aware for the first time that right now, at this point here, is where my story is actually beginning for the first time. And that everything that has happened for the last 25 years has been nothing but a really grim setup to what will be a very eventful and enriching life.
In the meantime I'll be heading to the USA again in November (I'm holding out hope that it'll be permanently instead of another temporary, although we still haven't heard anything from the immigration department since we submitted those forms again a few months ago). So there'll be another opportunity at a catch up one way or another in LAX if you're free.
Thanks again for messaging man. I love you like a brother.