Feeling really burnt out

[BassOvercast]

Honestly, I'm at a point where there's no more point fretting, and should just go into a state of hibernation. But my heart is broken, and I don't think I'll be able to find rest.
Everything, from the fresh centrelink debt, not getting the jobs I've been applying for (including the one I had a job interview for). Mum dying. The EXTREME financial hardship. I have about $30-40 to last me through the next fortnight. On top of this I'm going through all of this stuff without my wife by my side.
It's just....
What can you really do at that point? I could really use some prayer friends. I'm not just lost, I've somehow managed to lock myself in a paper bag and have no idea how to get out it feels like.

EDIT: With the situation of my mother dying, as many of you know, my relationship with her was very complicated, and mostly unhappy. However, the funeral did allow quite a lot of closure with that situation. Partially knowing that I did much of what I could to change things between us, and knowing that regardless, it was always going to end up as it did. And honestly, after her death there was no real bitterness about our relationship. That said coming to peace with my mother as a mother, if not a good mother, then at least as a mother only after she died was a bit tragic itself. I'm not sure if my mother's passing has left a hole in my heart, or made more aware to me the distance between me and my wife, but it's left this last final gap of unresolved emptiness that is proving more than elusive to repair. Even with talking to God about it.
Despite being at proper peace about my mother's life, and my relationship with her, I'm left feeling far more confused by her death than when she was alive.

[dimmick]

Sorry to hear that man - I've been struggling a bit here too with a lot of personal stuff and huge amounts of work for my job and school, but certainly nothing like that. Any update on how long it might be until your wife can come join you or vice versa?

In any case, positive vibes going your way.

[Brad-K]

I'm so sorry you are having troubles. Again my condolences, and my prayers and best wishes on processing that and dealing with it. Cancer is just an exceptionally complex issue. It's never simple, and you're not alone in how you feel.

As for the job issue, it just seems like everyone is having a super hard time these days. Again, I wish you the very best, and I promise to TRY to pray for God's blessing upon you.

[Crossbearer]

That's rough man.
I really hope things work out for you soon enough.
Especially you getting together with your wife.

[Brad-K]

Any Levi news yet?

[Farlig-K]

Levi, if you read my rantings in your other thread (which I conveniently hijacked - sorry for that) you'll see that you're not in this boat alone. I've also suffered immensely this past year and can relate to your sorrow and lack of life. Honest to God, I can relate. Yet somehow I'm still here and I keep burning through each day, counting down the hours to the next. It gets better in the sense that you somehow stop caring about most crap in life and only start focusing on the really big problems. So I guess that's the lesson we learn from this - to stop being petty and ignore the small foxes that try to ruin your vineyard, but fail miserably because you're out hunting their pack leader.

...or something along those lines.

[Brad-K]

Really wish the "slayer of mice" were here right now...got a mouse in my room as I write. Got traps out and such, but really wish I could have someone like Levi deal with it. ...Sure hope he's alright.

[BassOvercast]

Really wish the "slayer of mice" were here right now...got a mouse in my room as I write. Got traps out and such, but really wish I could have someone like Levi deal with it. ...Sure hope he's alright.

My jar of mice is gone. It would be nice if someone could get me a new one to fill....

I sent it via PM to you but I'll put it here again for everyone else:

Thanks man. It's been brutal. Like.... the past 3-4 months are the worst stretch I've had in probably all my life.
The immigration forms needing to be resubmitted because of the mistake. The centrelink debt. Mum's death. Dog's death. Wife's friends death and social ostracism. Dad's stroke. Friend's unborn child dying too. It's just been merciless. But.... I've really pulled through. I'm surprisingly, more stable than I have been since I was a child. I don't think I've been this stable since I was about 8 or so years old.
I haven't had any problems with bipolar at all in a long time. Depression still happens but I'm on top of it, instead of it riding me. The anxiety is the only bad one. And that's because of my living environment and the stress of not knowing what's going on with immigration forms.
The past 3 months or so the black metal band I've been in "Oblitus" has just really helped me purge out all my anger and grief at what's been going on around me. Funnily enough, now that this storm seems to have subsided somewhat, I've found out the guitarist has been sh!t-talking me behind my back as well as is trying to screw over the drummer at the same time. I made the decision last night to leave the band and I'm totally ok with it. The band did more for me throughout those harsh brutal months than I ever thought it would. And although the band is now it's own source of anxiety while I'm still in it, there are good memories and I'm really proud of the music we came up with together.
I wouldn't be surprised if God knew what was going to happen this year and just guided me into this band just to be that extra counter weight throughout the last half a year. It's done what it was supposed to. And hey, even got some sweet recordings out of it all.
I'm sad. I won't lie. I'm really, really sad. It's been a hard year and a lot of really bad things have happened. I'm lonely. I miss my wife like you wouldn't believe and the social scene around my city is like a cancer. But the fact that I can feel these emotions without them spiraling out of control and turning into an unhealthy state has actually been somewhat of a miracle. If anything this year has actually brought me a heart of compassion. I've always had empathy. I've regularly had sympathy. But for the first time I'm feeling truly compassionate towards people, their plights, their problems, their good times and their bad.
I'll make it through all of this. Because I have to. And honestly, considering the growth I've gone through as a human recently it would be a complete waste not to.
Thank you for your concern Brad. I really appreciate it. The support I've found from you guys on this forum has always been astounding. And I love everyone of you guys for it.
I feel like the sun is setting on this bleak story. As if all that horrible, pervasive darkness is about to be lost in the twilight prior to the sunset before finally being dragged below the horizon. I'm now aware for the first time that right now, at this point here, is where my story is actually beginning for the first time. And that everything that has happened for the last 25 years has been nothing but a really grim setup to what will be a very eventful and enriching life.
In the meantime I'll be heading to the USA again in November (I'm holding out hope that it'll be permanently instead of another temporary, although we still haven't heard anything from the immigration department since we submitted those forms again a few months ago). So there'll be another opportunity at a catch up one way or another in LAX if you're free.
Thanks again for messaging man. I love you like a brother.

[Crossbearer]

Here's to hoping the states will keep you this time.

[Lysol]

Kind of my reaction, at least in my head:

[YouTube]http://youtu.be/ee925OTFBCA[/YouTube]

EDIT: Posting from my tablet and can't figurer out how to get a complete URL instead of the short one.